As I've started to draw my attention inward and focus on myself, my wants, my needs, I realized that I'm not always showing up as my true self. The me that shows up to work is often a slightly different version than the me that sits on the couch watching TV with my sister, or the me that is meeting someone for the first time or the me that's spending time with my friends. I'm not saying I'm an entirely different person in every part of my life - I'm just not always truly, wholly, me. I tone it back or turn it up based on who I'm surrounded by, or where I am.
In all honestly, this is partly is because I'm in insecure and I have an issue accepting myself for who I am, of being worthy of my own love and acceptance, let alone another person's. Another part of this is because I'm a people pleaser - which has turned out to be more of a curse than a blessing - I aim for "nice" instead of real (how boring, right?) I'd rather take the easy way out - by avoiding everyone's toes - than ask for what I want or tell it like it is. Sometimes not having an opinion means avoiding conflict - but let's be real, I always have an opinion. So if you hear me say, "I don't know" or "I don't care" - call me out, yo! I'm lying to you. I don't mean to, it's just a nasty habit I've picked up and haven't been holding myself accountable to shake.
A couple of days ago one the most inspiring, grounded, seriously rad humans I've met shared that she was to host Igolu level 1 training, something that's been on my to-do list for years. It was an instant fuck yes ('scuse my language) to go along with my overarching theme of saying YES in my life. Igolu is a communication and leadership movement, and level 1 training is all about personal legacy - the one I am living RIGHT now. And I can't create a personal legacy without getting clear on who I am and what I want to create in my life. How perfect?
Well just to add to the queue, as I was sweating my ass off in yoga the other day, the theme was truth and authenticity. Coincidence? Ha! Not a chance. I specifically take classes from Justyn because I love what she has to say, and that day she was so spot on with what I'm working on in my practice and off my mat that it completely blew my mind. Truth bombs were flying around left and right, you guys. You know what she told us in class? That trying to be someone you're not is a waste of your energy - you don't need energy to be yourself, that's your gift. LIGHT BULB. Sometimes you just need the right person to say it the right way, and it all starts to make sense. You know what I mean? Justyn also said that by sinking into who you really are in the moment, you are practicing presence - you're meeting yourself where you're at. And, after all, living in the moment may just be the meaning of life, yeah?
So, I commit to the work of meeting myself in every moment and showing up wholly myself - no matter what. That means speaking up about what I think or feel, trusting my gut and making decisions based on my core values - creation, connection, choice, curiosity and gratitude. I already love where this is taking me.