ego

I'm not exactly talking about the song by Beyonce, but I'm not exactly NOT talking about it either. But for real, let's talk ego.

Whoa there. Ego, you say? What ego? I've often labeled others as having "big" egos, but never really considered myself as an egotistical person. Honestly, I never really acknowledged the fact that I have one until recently - as in like, yesterday. We all have one whether we'd like to own it or not. Egos come in all different shapes, sizes and flavors if you know what I mean. I'm not sure where the disconnect has been all these years, but since I've made an effort to date myself (the irony of including this in a post about ego is not lost on me, but I swear it's NOT what it sounds like - I'll explain in another post) I've come to get to know my ego really, really well. I'm no narcissist, and I don't consider myself cocky, self-involved or anything else that is typically associated with egotism, but I have an ego nonetheless. I'm only human, after all.

We're about to get real here, people. Brace yourselves.

Sometimes I wonder why a guy would dare to date another girl over me. It's not uncommon for me to get a little envious when someone is better at something than I am. A lot of times I wonder why I don't have a butt load of likes on my Instagram pic. I ALWAYS wonder why I didn't get hired for the job and someone else did. I can get so broody over why someone should be choosing me, thinking about me, praising me, etc. that I forget about the world around me, that their are other people out there. I get a little obsessive - neurotic, if you will.

HELLO. There's real stuff going on out there and WAY more important things to be thinking about. C'mon girl. Get your shit together - this isn't The Jenna Show.

Yesterday when I was out for my morning hike, I reached the top of the trail and was faced with a stupidly beautiful view of Aspen Mountain. Ajax loomed over me like this magic, miraculous, all-powerful kind of force. Yeah, you could say some instant humbling went down. Ego, deflated. All of the sudden my problems, my insecurities, my worries didn't seem so big, so bad. I think as humans we tend to get so involved in ourselves, in each other, in our day-to-day lives that we forget we're not the only ones out there - that we're just a small piece of the puzzle that is the universe.

So, next time my ego tries to take the wheel, I'll remember the mountains. If I didn't hit this point home already, I don't think there's anything wrong with an ego. It's innate, it's something inherent to being human. I just think it's important to recognize when my ego is inflating a little too much and adjust accordingly. That's all. If you're with me when this happens and I fail to recognize or do something about it, call me out yo! Give my ego a solid smacking until I come back down to earth. Don't let me get away with that shit. I give you full permission, because you can be sure that I'll be doing the same for you.

Namaste, bitches. xx

what aspen has taught me about loving my life

I'm going to start off with a disclaimer of sorts: most of you will think I'm crazy for some of the stuff I'm about to say next. You've been warned.

I've learned A LOT since I moved out to this magical little place called Aspen - about people, about myself, about adulting, about life in general. Above all else, I've learned how to live life - and love it.

Having talked to people that have lived in Aspen for decades, people who have just recently moved here, and people that are from all over the world, I've gathered one important piece of information: everyone is here because they want to be. Nobody ends up in Aspen because they were forced to, or because they're stuck and they can't seem to get out. I mean, come on. How often do you stumble upon a place like this? Pretty much never.

With that said, as you can imagine, that creates a very special--for lack of a better word--vibe. People in Aspen are here for one reason: to do what they love - which makes for a town full of very happy people. They're not living to work, but working to live (as cheesy as that sounds.) When you meet someone in Aspen, the conversation always starts off with, "What do you do here?" but no one's wondering what pays your bills - they're curious about what you do for fun, for you. No one gives a shit if you're waiting tables, bar tending or looking after someone else's kids. None of that matters - it's all about how you're living your life. On any given day, I chat with people who just got back from skiing their way through Europe, backpacking throughout Southeast Asia or something equally as rad and exciting. Talk about life envy, am I right? I've never felt more inspired to pursue what I love to do, what lights me up, than when I moved to Aspen.

I mean, that's what you're supposed to do. Go to school, graduate, get a job and work your way up to a six figure salary...right? WRONG. So wrong. (Unless that's what you want to do.)

Guys, I've realized that I can create a life that I truly love and have all of those adventures, too - and so can you. I don't have to be married to my job, work six days a week and move my way up to a job where I sit behind a desk all day and call the shots - I can choose happiness instead.

I'm not saying everyone should quit their job, move out to a tiny ski town and party their asses off every day. And I'm not saying that we should shirk all of our responsibilities. But by all means, if that's what you want, I highly encourage you to do that. No judgement here.

What I'm saying is DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY and don't forget to really live your life. We must have adventures when we're young so that we can tell stories when we're old, right? There's nothing worse than going through the motions and being miserable while doing it. If that's crunching numbers and wearing a suit and tie to work every day, then do it. If that's scooping ice cream and laying on the beach all day, get after it. If that's teaching people how to ski and getting 100+ days out on the mountain each season, hell yeah.  You don't have to be a weekend warrior, counting down the seconds until Friday every single week. Don't sit behind a desk and stare at a computer screen just because you think that's what you should be doing. Live a little, guys. If you're going to do something that you're not super jazzed about, at least take plenty of time to do what you really love.

So, I'm letting go of all the "shoulds." All of the preconceived notions about what my career should be or how I should build my life. I may move to Fiji and work on a cacao farm. I may travel through New Zealand and pick up odd jobs. I may complete a yoga teacher training in an exotic country. But that's just what I would do...what makes you happy and gets you excited to be alive? Think about it. I have my whole life to settle down into a desk job - so I'm going to do everything that's calling me NOW and then look to settle down with responsibility later.

Make a list of all the things that make you happy. Make a list of all the things you do every day. Compare. Adjust accordingly. (Thanks for that advice, Jacki Carr.)

Namaste, bitches.

intent

It's always a good day when I start off with time on my mat.

Yesterday, I went to my favorite studio in town--the Shakti Shala--to take a class from one of my favorite yoga goddesses and gurus, Jayne. You guys, she's the real deal. As usual, we set an intention at the beginning of class. I don't remember her exact words, and in not wanting to butcher them and take away from the profoundness of said words, I'm not going to paraphrase. But, like she tends to do, she spoke right to my heart; my core; my soul. I was amazed that, after the hundreds of yoga classes that I have taken in my lifetime, she was able to make something so routine seem so profound.

So, I set my intention. Instead of hastily picking something because I was told to, just as I have every other class preceding, I thought about it. I really, really thought about it. I took a nice swim in lake me and found something to dedicate my practice to that truly gave it meaning.

And, it changed my practice.

I'll be frank, it wasn't the best practice I've ever had. On my end, I've probably had much "better" classes. I didn't walk away from it feeling like a changed woman, nor did I master tittibhasana or mayurasana (what do you mean you don't know what those are? Lighten up, I'm only joking...)

For the first time ever, my practice was selfless. Each pose had a meaning and every breath was purposeful. I was energized in a way that I hadn't thought possible until I had time to soak it all in during savasana.

This got me thinking about what my life could look like if I took what I learned on my mat that day and applied it to the other 99.999% of my days. What if I set an intention, if I dedicated all of my efforts to something or someone outside of myself each morning? Hot damn. My mind is going crazy with the thought of all the bitchin' things that could come of it. It gets pretty boring always doing things for my own selfish purposes--at least in my opinion. I think it's time to mix it up and let selflessness take the reigns for awhile. My ego could use a breather, ha!

So, I'm going to experiment. I'm going to see where dedicating my time to someone or something that is near and dear to my heart can take me. I have a gut feeling it's going to be pretty extraordinary.

namaste, bitches.

love love

I was talking with one of the most beautiful souls I've come across in this vast world and she said something that I had never heard before, "I fall in love with everyone I meet." She then proceeded to talk about how that love comes in many different forms, but it's always there. Wow, I love that. I've always looked at the word love as a very heavy, serious thing, not to be used lightly and definitely to be used sparingly. Love has always seemed like something that needed to be earned, to be worked for. Well, I've been dead wrong all of this time.

People always say that you should sprinkle kindness around like confetti, that shit's contagious, and I'm starting to realize the same applies for love. Be love. Spread love. Because why the f*** not? I'm not talking about the let's-get-married, I-want to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love, (but by all means, if that's what you've got to give than get to it!) but just plain love. The I-appreciate-you, seeing-you-makes-my-day-brighter kind of love. Life is far too short not to be constantly telling the people who matter most in your life that you love them. I don't ever want someone who has my love--in whatever capacity that is--to go without knowing.

I didn't intend to drop the "meaning of life" bomb, but it's just going to have to happen anyways. The meaning of life isn't made up of what we did for a living, how much money we raked in, where we traveled, what we accomplished, or any of that petty B.S.--but you know this. In my humble opinion, our purpose in life has much more to do with how we made people feel; how fervently, brilliantly and ferociously we loved. I truly believe we're put on this earth to create relationships and connect with each other. It's as simple as that. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, the only thing that matters once you strip away ego, desire, lust, greed and all of that good stuff, is our relationships. Our love.

As one of my favorite authors once wrote, "There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." (Preach, Mr. Fitzgerald, preach.) Whether that's brotherly love, motherly love, best friend love, you-make-the-best-latte-in-town love or anything in between, it's all love, and the world needs a lot more of it.

Namaste, bitches.

(P.s. I wrote love 22 times in this brief post, I know.)